Picking up where I left off . . .

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Our family lock on the Great Wall.

Our time in Thailand has brought us much to be proud of and a little to be ashamed of. I am hopeful when I look back on our time here I remember only the proud moments. Two and a half years have flown by. Our children have grown a lot and my youngest has just started preschool which allows me a little time to blog.

My proud moments include our travels around Thailand and our recent trip to China. We probably haven’t made the most of our time here, not as much as others have. I usually use my children as an excuse for our lack of travel, but I need to own up to my own flaws. I guess my biggest flaws are lack of interest and energy. Blame my thyroid, lack of sleep, my husband not helping out, raising three children, the list goes on. I really don’t know what has been wrong with me.

I feel guilty when I think of how I have wasted my time. I have taught English here, participated in bible studies, involved my children in worthwhile and enriching activities and have kept a decent home. I began sinking into an abyss when my husband convinced me a year and a half ago to start going out on the town. Those of you who are familiar with Bangkok know this is not a city for the faint of heart. Before embarking, you need to make sure you and your marriage are stable. I did neither of these. Call it naïveté, stupidity or just the desire to please my husband. Either way, I was led down a path I was not comfortable with.

I have re-calibrated myself. I have a renewed sense of who I am and what I want from my life. My husband has promised me many changes and I resolve to stand firm in my beliefs. It’s a fine line we women walk — wanting to be good wives and mothers. We can go insane trying to keep everyone happy and lose ourselves in the process. On the bright side, I am back and I have a positive outlook. My next blog post will be an attempt to recap our time here.

Moving!

We are in the midst of moving to Thailand, so I will be unable to update this blog.  Please bear with me and check back in about a month (wish me luck).

Back from Thailand

Well, I survived my trip to Thailand and better yet, traveling with a 16 month old.   My first impression of Thailand was not favorable.  It looked very poor, run down and depressing.  After freshening up, we left immediately to meet our relocation assistant to find a home in the community surrounding the International School of Bangkok.  My spirits were not lifted at all and I asked my husband if the move was definite and if we could still back out.  He replied that it was definite and we could not back out.  My heart sank.  How could I bring my three children here?

The next morning I enjoyed a delicious breakfast at the hotel and a nice cup of espresso.  I went back out that day with a new attitude — if this would be my life for the next three to four years, I had better be in charge of it.  I had better find a house that my children would call home. 

As the week progressed I realized it wasn’t the landscape or the architecture of Thailand that would win a small piece of my heart, but the very friendly Thai people.  They absolutely loved my little Lilly.  Wherever we went they would reach out and touch her, stroke her curls, look into her blue eyes and tell me repeatedly that she looked just like a doll.  Lilly soaked up all the attention and smiled at everyone.  Normally I would not want people to touch my child for fear of germs, but the Thai people were so loving and sweet to deny them would have been beyond rude on my part.

Well, by weeks end, we found a home with a nice garden and a beautiful pool across the street.  Many neighbors had children’s bicycles in their driveways.  Hopefully I will easily find friends for my children and everyone will assimilate well into our new lifestyle.

We are back  home now and organizing for our big move.  Stress is high and I am fighting a stomach bug I picked up in Thailand.  I can’t believe that by August 1 we will be living in Thailand.  I get sad and depressed about leaving my life here behind.  I hope and pray we will all transition smoothly into our new lives in Thailand.

Thailand, Here I Come

I can’t believe the time has arrived for my husband, baby and I to travel to Thailand to find a home.  I am having a horrible time leaving my two older girls.  I know they will be fine with my Mom watching them, I am just afraid something will happen to me and I will never see them again.  I know these are normal fears all mothers feel, but it doesn’t make them any easier to tolerate. 

If all goes well, we will all be moving there at the end of July.  I have such mixed feelings regarding the entire move.  Yes, it will be an adventure, yes, it will be a wonderful experience for the children.   But, a lot can be said for stability, safety and familiar surroundings.  All of which I find comfort in.    I will write more on all this later this week if time permits . . .

My Crummy Thyroid!

Well, I am guessing my lack of interest in just about anything and my irritability and fatigue (not to mention weight gain) are to be blamed on my thyroid.  I am sure many are out there rolling your eyes and wondering how I can be such a whiner about this, but I frequently go through these bouts due to an autoimmune disease called Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis.  This disease has plagued me for close to 15 years.  When properly medicated, I can function normally with only general fatigue brought on by stress, lack of sleep or illness.  When my body fluctuates in its response to my thyroid, then I slowly start drifting into a black hole.   Because this is a gradual drift, I usually don’t realize the culprit (my thyroid) until I have a blood test or become so tired I hardly have the energy to get out of bed or shower.  In the beginning I tend to blame it on staying up too late, not eating well, illness or monthly hormone fluctuation. 

So, here I am, my arms aching while I type and around me are unwashed dishes and unfolded laundry.  In bed are my three beautiful children whom I have been irritable with all week.  Their usually easy-going mom now gets frustrated over just about everything and every minor request from them sounds too huge to accomplish in my mind.  I am exhausted — mentally and physically.  Luckily I have an appointment next week.  Let’s hope I can make it until then.  Three americanos and a Coke daily aren’t doing the trick.  I could lay down right now and fall asleep.  My only goal tonight is to get the kitchen cleaned and maybe some laundry folded.  That sounds way too ambitious as it is already 9 p.m.   Wish me luck!

Daughter Date Night and Inspiration

I had a wonderful night with my 11-year-old last week.  Although my husband could only give us three hours together we had a lot of fun.  We spent way too long at dinner, but she talked almost non-stop which was wonderful.  It is so great to reconnect with her.  I wish I could have time like this with each child daily.  Such a wish had me searching the web for answers. 

There is an “inspiring” blog out there called Inspired to Action.  It has me questioning the life I am living.  I am not happy, so something needs to change and it has to start with me.  I need to take control again and be a good example for my children.  If you have a moment, check out Inspired to Action http://inspiredtoaction.com/  and let it inspire you.  I will keep you posted on my progress.

Thank You for Voting!

Katey won Honorable Mention in the state Arbor Day poster competition.   She was given a tree to plant at her school and her name was engraved on a plaque which is hung at the Arbor Day Foundation.  Her picture will also be placed on a bookmark.  I am so proud of her!  Thank you again for all your support.

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